Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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