im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
