i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
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Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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