Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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