i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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