You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
