he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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