A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
