now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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