she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
