It's like God shit irony all over that family
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
