I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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