just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
