so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize