but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
