I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
