So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
