Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
