I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
