these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
