Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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