Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
