We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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