Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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