Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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