I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
