I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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