it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
