Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
