matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish you could order shots online.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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