I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the day after is always just damage control
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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