I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
