Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
