1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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