moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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