so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
