Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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