Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
