Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
