ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
