i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He had one of those small greek statue penises
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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