John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
