oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
