dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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