When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You have to summon your inner elephant
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
