i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
