I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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