i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize