I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
