when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
