Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
