so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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