Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
