All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
