He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
