I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
