You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The air taste purple.
Randomize
