My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Oh god it's open bar.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize