Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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