I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my poor anus
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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