I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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