I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
