shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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