I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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