i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
