you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
