Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
