Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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