I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
