maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
