out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
