I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
