yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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